25 February 2017 – Clinic Outcome Letter

Whilst I am waiting for the final decision of a MDT meeting, I received a letter outlining my Outpatient appointment earlier in the month putting the definitive obstructive defecation in black and white.  The letter spelt out the need in action points for an HDU bed and a ‘long inpatient admission.’ My fate felt no less frightening in words. My heart heavy as I thought about the task of cancelling weeks of work, the resultant loss in income, losing clients, missing the unfolding plant life in my garden and the blooming Magnolia tree in May. My life would be temporarily suspended in a fog of drugs and a raw, swollen belly and pain and misery. Yet, on balance, the days of unending toilet runs and rolls of toilet roll and the shame, and disgust of more and more shit after numerous toilet visits was no more appealing than thoughts of post-operative torture. I had to look to the longer and bigger picture of the life I had glimpsed for six months after my first anterior resection surgery. A life where I went to the toilet just like everyone else apparently did, that my bladder felt the relief, I was no longer sore, toilet roll lasted more than a day, that I could go out without sourcing a bathroom. That I also wanted to reclaim a life in the bedroom and the possibility of feeling sexy again were all thoughts I had to hold on to – the fact that my business could and would recover, that I would feel better. 

My reactions to the MDT Meeting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wf-bzjvJRlU&t=13s